Staff members of The Swellesley Report, written by local bloggers who tirelessly report on more than you really need to know about Wellesley, Mass., recently convened at a major editorial meeting to rationally discuss the most pressing issue facing the 10-year old online publication — how to achieve the much-coveted milestone of 3,000 Facebook likes. The bloggers, who are often described as “some locals who write up that stuff in their free time,” have recently become frustrated with their anemic FB likes numbers, as evidenced by the bickering at a recent editorial meeting. Let’s listen in.
“I mean, every kid in that high school should have liked us by now,” whined one of the great many bloggers. “What do we have to do? Rip off The Onion‘s writing style, or something?”
“Seriously”, complained the most vocal member of the vast staff. “If I log onto Facebook one more time and see our likes languishing there at 2,959, I can’t be responsible for my actions.”
“Well, if you’d get out there and make some news,” said the member of the huge group who likes to think of himself as editor-in-chief, “maybe we’d see some results in that direction.”
“Are you seriously suggesting that I get up from the kitchen table — I mean, leave the office — and create mayhem out there, just to score a few Facebook likes?” asked the often-incredulous staff member.
The “editor” sighed. “Noone at this enormous meeting said anything about mayhem. I’m just saying there’s a School Committee meeting coming up that you could make sound pretty dramatic. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with spicing up your writing a little bit by employing plenty of italics and exclamation points, maybe throw in a few emoticoms. If we show a little pizzazz, our international readership will finally be able to see the real us instead of just dependable, ordinary, bloggers.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” chimed in another member of the unwieldy bunch, “that School Committee thing sounds like it will be a pretty long post that will draw attention away from my ruminations on the state of affairs in Wellesley Square. Something new is going to move into The Square soon, I can smell it.”
“And what about my post about the tear-downs epidemic?” gasped the most dramatic member of the large group.
The “editor” sighed. “Have you all forgotten the biggest advantage of blogging? All your stuff gets published. This is a no-cuts team. Repeat after me. Write it, post it; write it, post it; write it, post it.”
Multiple eyes stared at the “editor.”
“Let’s sleep on this,” the laziest member, wearied by the sheer number of people in the room, suggested. “By the time we wake up, who knows? Maybe the 3,000 Facebook likes number shall be ours.“